I’ve said it before, but perception is everything.
I’m not going to rehash everything I’ve written in the past on the subject just because there’s discussion of it going on elsewhere today.
But I felt the need to comment on it, in my own space, in a place I understand and I hope leads you to understand me.
Because I don’t agree. I don’t think Derek can speak for all of us. He speaks for himself, certainly, and many other bloggers, I’m sure.
But not me.
Maybe I’m too idealistic, maybe I’m jaded, but I believe that
I am REAL.
Here, in this place, I am a true version of myself.
It all comes back down to the different ways we get to know people, and this is just one of the ways you have the opportunity to get to know me.
If I’m not real here, and you’re not real with me in the comments or on your own blogs, does that make our friendships unreal also?
I hope not, but I fear it is so.
Misunderstandings happen in “real” relationships as well as in online ones… so I don’t buy it as an argument.
Of course, once bloggers meet in person, things do change. It’s inevitable. But in the same way seeing your coworkers with their significant others for the first time, or growing up to become friends with people who were once your teachers leads you to a different understandings of those people, hearing a blogger’s words, rather than reading them, doesn’t make the written words any less valid. It doesn’t make them fiction.
This is me. I’m real.
I just wanted you to know.
I really find it funny how all of the comments on this post are attempting psychological analyses (yes, spell check, analyses IS the plural of analysis so take your annoying little red dotted line AWAY FROM HERE, I say!) on the poor boy whose lack of computer ownership I got a little hyper over. I’m not actually concerned about his mental health. Maybe we should all be concerned for mine, considering the general tone of that particular piece of writing, which was just screaming IT’S ALMOST HALLOWEEN AND I’VE ALREADY EATEN ENTIRELY TOO MUCH CANDY CORN. AND THERE ARE BRAIDS STICKING STRAIGHT OUT THE SIDES OF MY HEAD! HUZZAH!
It’s just that it’s not exactly usual not to have a computer anymore and it surprised me. Trust me. This boy has several redeeming qualities.
Many of which I discovered last night over coffee and mac & cheese at the Cracker Barrel.
Anyway, even though he does not own a computer, I seem to remember him mentioning having a work laptop and an email address, so I assume he knows how to use Google and has the means to do so, and therefore I figure that means I should probably take any further discussion on this topic elsewhere.
Which makes this a great time to remind you that if you don’t have the “a letter” password and you want it, all you have to do is let me know.
Are you a list maker? Hands raised high, everybody!
I kind of am and I’m kind of not. When I’m feeling particularly overwhelmed or particularly lazy, I’ll make myself a big master list of things that need to be done and extra little things that will serve to rev my creativity up a bit, and then I’ll create a few smaller lists from that master list for the next few days. The problem is, even in those cases, I’m no good at sticking to the lists. I need a certain amount of structure in my life, but I absolutely cannot stick to strict schedules or deal with the idea that I HAVE to do something. It’s not because I’m lazy (well, not usually), it’s because it’s usually when I find myself in the middle of something I “have” to do that a huge idea just HITS me– and then I either have to feel guilty for blowing off something I SHOULD be doing to tend to my creative side, or I have to let some really wonderful ideas die slow and painful deaths.
Generally, then, lists just make me crabby.
But lately, I have been making lists and they haven’t made me want to pull my hair out. Why?
Because I’m making lists of things I’ve already done.
Even when I’ve got a list and I’m crossing things off, I find myself feeling as if I’ve not accomplished much for the day. Why? Because I’m really easy to distract and I end up doing other little things in between the other tasks I should be doing and I only end up crossing off a line or two. I end the day feeling as though I really haven’t done anything, I start getting angry at myself, and the situation turns into days or even weeks of really not doing anything because my mood is prohibiting me from anything positive.
That’s right. Because lists make me crabby.
So instead, I’ve taken to making lists at night of all the things I accomplished that day. Yesterday’s list included working, interviewing for a promotion, rehearsing for studio time, recording a song for a documentary project I’m working on with Matt, throwing together a last minute Halloween costume for work, and blogging.
Today’s list already includes working through 40+ new profiles on 20SB.
It’s preferable, at least for me, because it really gives me a good look at all of the things I’m accomplishing in the middle of twittering and stalking old classmates on facebook and watching reruns of Mary Tyler Moore on Hulu. My head is often scattered, I don’t work on anything for more than an hour at a time if I don’t have to, so I do start to feel like I waste a lot of time. But I make these lists and night and realize, yes, I am moving forward.
I’ve still got a sort of “master list.” All of the projects I’m currently working on are written on my dry erase board– but just the projects. None of the tasks associated with them ever get written down. For some people, this would mean forgetting tons of stuff, but all I really need is a place to look when I’m at a loss for something to do. One of those projects will always have SOMETHING, and chances are, if I’m not thinking about particular tasks, as this point they’re probably not that important.
As I wrote this post, it occurred to me that rather than making my lists on a dry erase board so that I have to erase them a few days later, I should start a blog to keep them– that way, when I’m feeling as if I’ve gone nowhere with the big goals in my life, I can look back and see where I used to be. Blogging in general has been great for me in that way, but having a very specific place to look will be nice. Plus, it’ll keep me dedicated to making the lists and making sure I do something with my time every day.
So. Wow. New project. Just what I needed.
What did you do today?
So last night at my little coffee shop gig I met a few new people.
One of them was a cute 27 year old guy reading a Garrison Keillor book.
And I gave him my number.
And tonight he called me.
See, now, I’m feeling a little weird about it because a) we all know I have a big ginormous crush on another guy and b) this guy DOES NOT OWN A COMPUTER.
DOES NOT COMPUTE.
I just can’t wrap my head around the thought of a COMPUTERLESS PERSON unless that person is also ELECTRICITYLESS. AND INDOOR PLUMBLINGLESS.
Basically a man who does not own a computer should have a big scruffy beard and buckles on his shoes, is what I’m saying. And should probably build furniture for a living and take it to town with a horse and cart.
And his wife probably should churn butter all day.
BUT despite the fact that I JUST DON’T UNDERSTAND, he didn’t seem at all weird. Like, if he hadn’t told me he didn’t own a computer and really didn’t care for computers at all, I’d have never guessed.
Is this the new prejudice, America?
Can I catch Computer Indifference by kissing? Using the same bathroom?
Do you remember those AIDS tutorials we had to go through in elementary school? Why do I remember some sort of balloon as part of that education plan? Am I crazy?
YOU CANNOT CATCH AIDS BY RIDING IN THE SAME HOT AIR BALLOON.
WHEW. Because I do that ALL THE TIME.
Where was I?
Right, so even though I really am very interested in someone else, and things seemed promising for a very brief moment in time, let’s just say that I am not as patient or understanding as I claim to be. Well, no, I DO understand, and I’m not bitter about it at all, but that doesn’t mean I have to ignore all of my other options, does it? So, I gave this boy my number, and he’s cute, y’all, really. And he called tonight.
Of course I didn’t answer and now I’ll have to call back… I mean, I was in the middle of recording so I couldn’t have answered anyway but would I have answered? Do I ever answer numbers I don’t recognize? RARELY. So now I have to be a big girl and make a phone call. Again.
Boys are such funny creatures.
Ah well. The blog fodder continues.
I wonder if you can catch Computer Indifference by sitting at the same table enjoying a few cups of coffee?
Let’s hope not.
I really love my computer.
My little brother has now been alive for two entire decades. TWO. There was a time in our lives when he was so much younger than me, OMG, Aaron, GROW UP. MOoooooooOOOoooM. Aaron told me to SHUT UP.
But this morning I called him to wish him a HAPPY FREAKING BIRTHDAY and what did we do?
We spent 45 minutes GETTING ALONG.
It wasn’t surprising. We’ve been getting along fantastically for years now. Home for holidays, we find ourselves up in the kitchen at midnight giggling about funny things Herman Melville writes and Super Mario Bros. and how flippin’ crazy our parents can be. We rehash inside jokes and instantly create new ones and reminisce about Reptar the dinosaur and generally have fun. He’s pretty much my best friend.
They say girls look for men who remind them of their daddies and I think that’s largely true, even for me, but when I find a boy who reminds me of my brother, I know it’s inevitable. I’ve got a new best friend.
This kid is smart, and hardworking, and responsible. He’s got the strangest sense of humor which has the rest of us puzzling over WHAT PLANET HE CAME FROM as we laugh so hard we can’t breathe. He’s a computer geek, a hardcore drummer, the giver of all things ridiculous and silly, and lover of all things Cheese and The Packers.
And even though I’ll always consider him my baby brother, today he’s 20, and I guess that means he’s not such a baby anymore.
Happy Birthday, lil bro. Sorry for putting a “No Aarons Allowed” poster on my door all those years ago.
Wait. No I’m not. You were obnoxious and you know it.
But I love you anyway.
Protected: a letter (and a reminder to email me for the password, if you want it.)
See that picture on the sidebar? See how pretty?
Yeah, that’s not the normal Courtney around here.
Chances are, if I’m spending a lot of time working in front of the computer (not just for an hour or so after work but for an entire day, you know), I look a lot more like this:
No makeup, crazy hair, big crazy blanket (which was something like my 13th or 14th birthday present – hElLo ten years ago, I am old) and a cup of coffee. I’m telling you, if I’m “ready” for the day, I cannot focus on the work at hand. I feel like I should be going somewhere.
So yeah, I didn’t even shower today.
Also, I’m wearing these:
Why, yes. Those are flannel pants with Winnie-the-Pooh shaped cookies printed on them. Because I’m still 12, somewhere deep down inside.
Laundry, editing, writing, ukulele practicing, and a big ol’ pot of veggie chili are in my near future. Happy Wednesday!
I love a really good day off.
You want to take five extra minutes in the shower, so you do.
You want to make two pots of coffee, so you do.
You want to watch Heroes first thing in the morning, so you do.
You want to go grocery shopping, so you do.
You want to eat brownies in lieu of real meals, so you do.
You want to learn Beatles songs on your ukulele, so you do.
You want to write songs about old George Strait songs, so you do.
You want to actually participate in the twitter conversation for once, so you do.
You want to take a nap at 8 pm, so you do.
You want to make eggs at midnight, so you do.
I got some work done today, too, but it was on my own terms.
I love a really good day off. I’ve got another one to look forward to tomorrow.
What do you love about days off?
Oh man, I just love sleep.
Usually I still have to fight myself to go to bed, though. I’m generally a night owl. I like watching Conan and Jimmy do their stuff, I like being able to work without any distractions–real or perceived–because everybody else is already in bed. Besides, it seems like if I’m not so tired that I fall asleep the second my head hits the pillow, I can’t make my brain shut up and I end up getting back out of bed anyway.
But over the past week or so I’ve found myself in bed earlier and earlier. Midnight one night. 11:30 the next. And now, suddenly, at 10:30, I’m thinking, yes, my pillow and pile of blankets seem extra enticing right now.
I think it has a little something to do with the cooler weather. It makes curling up in bed that much more enjoyable. I also think it might have something to do with the fact that there’s a new man on my radar. It used to be that crushing kept me up late at night. Now it simply lulls me to sleep. I like to think we’re sleeping at the same time. Is that weird? I don’t know.
I’m going to bed.
Good night.
