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Letting Go

April 16, 2008

I’m not much for giving relationship advice because the only relationships I’ve been in that lasted any significant amounts of time were A) in high school or B) nonexistent. But when a friend asks me not what she should do, but rather what I would do, I say, “fight.” I always fight. It doesn’t always (usually never) work out for me, but you never know until you try. But I’ve learned something along the way too, and it’s something I’ve made sure to add to that bit of advice I like to give: Know when to let go.

Fight. Fight hard.
But know when the fight isn’t worth the effort anymore.

Last night I went on a bit of a date. I don’t know if it was really meant to be a date, but the longer the night went on, the more date-ish it began to feel. Apparently I get myself into these situations a lot lately. It’s just that, when you hang out with a guy, just the two of you, and there’s cooking involved, and then there’s a movie run, and then there’s sitting on the same couch, and you both do the sign of the cross before you pray and you look at each other and say, “Really? Catholic? Sweet.” things start to feel a little different. And that’s okay. I’m okay with it. I fought. I fought hard. It didn’t work out and I’m letting go.

And I’m moving on.

And it all seems fast and quick and ridiculously as if I really didn’t care in the first place, but it’s not true. The truth is that I’m tired of dwelling on things that just won’t happen. I’m tired of putting effort into relationships when equal effort isn’t given on the other side. It’s not that he and I won’t still be friends. We will. And it’s not like the Mister I hung out with last night doesn’t know what’s been going on. He does. And maybe it won’t turn into anything. I’m on the edge of how I feel about it right now. But I do know that I’m comfortable, and that he makes me laugh, and that if we’re going to refer back to The List, he’s got some pretty important points present and accounted for. So did Artist. But Artist isn’t feeling it, so I’m done with trying.

I’m tired of being scared of my own feelings, and so when these opportunities come up, I’ve gotta dip my toes in to find out what happens. I am at the point in my life where I’d seriously like to get this figured out. It’s not that I’m in a huge hurry to get married or to have kids, but I think really getting to know someone before you decide to get married is a VERY good idea, and I’d like to be married before or around 30. I mean, I love watching my dad with my cousins’ kids, and he LOVES those kids, and I’d love for him to be young enough to enjoy my own kids someday. So, I guess I figure if I can start being open to the possibility now, instead of sabotaging myself by either being in relationships I actually care very little about or by hanging on to things that will never happen for much too long, maybe be able to pin down what I want in the next few years.

This is casual. I’m guarding myself. I’m tired of jumping in and proclaiming my absolute confidence only to have it shattered weeks later.

But there is something. And I just wanted to say that.

By the way, August Rush is incredibly fantastic.

2 Comments leave one →
  1. pilgrimchick permalink
    April 17, 2008 1:33 am

    I am sorry to say that no matter how well anyone can learn to assess people and relationships, there are going to be few times and places where it will be completely evident that it is time to “let go”. Granted, though, some situations will be painfully obvious, and the number one deciding factor should be exactly as you say–when you’re ever giving more than half without their being any indication that you will receive what you give in return just because that other individual cares about you.

  2. Bobbie permalink
    April 17, 2008 2:47 am

    Didn’t I say that August Rush was a must see? The story is so beautiful and a strong reminder of how music brings people together whether it’s classical, rock or modern.

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