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May 15, 2008

I still have stuff to do around the house, but I’m getting bored with it.

I love my family, and I love being home, but I haven’t lived at home for any amount of time in two years, and I’m already starting to feel that while, yes, this was a smart move financially, mentally it may not have been so. Moving home isn’t the same for me as it is for most other people, considering that home is now a state and a half from where I grew up. I have no friends here, and it’s just effing lonely. I talked to my best friend online last night and quite honestly dreaded what the conversation would turn into because I was afraid she’d want to talk about home, and I didn’t want to be reminded of home right then.

I miss the boy, but even more than that, I’m saddened by the fact that not only was I just getting to him, I was just getting to know so many of the lovely people I left behind. We were all so busy at the end, and I hardly got to spend time with any of them… and it feels like a wasted opportunity. There’s nothing there for me anymore, I can’t go back, so I simply have to tell myself that it’s time to look forward.

I’m looking forward to moving to Tennessee with every fiber of my being (well, with every fiber that isn’t looking forward to July’s wonderful events with sweet anticipation) but it’s just not as sweet as it can be because I don’t have a job or a time frame for when I get to move quite yet. I’m planning on sticking around this summer to make enough money to move, but I have to start working before I can make money and I don’t want to do the kind of work that I’ll be able to get hired to do for a three month period. I want my big girl job NOW.

I have never, ever looked forward to the end of summer so close to the beginning of the game.

There will be about a month where I get to hang out at my cousin’s place and babysit his 1 year old, and I’m definitely looking forward to that. If I can’t have a big girl job, I’ll take the little boy. He’s one of the best kids EVER on the planet, and it’s going to be a blast.

But until then… ugh. Waiting is such an unfair game.

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