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Oh man, Oh man.

September 25, 2008

Oh, dear.

After reading a tidbit about Michael Cleveland (apparently a pretty big deal fiddle player), it occurred to me that I hadn’t talked to one of my best friends in weeks, and damn, we had Bluegrass to discuss.

I was interning at the moment of revelation, so rather than calling I shot him an email and said something to the effect of “I’m sure you know this already but um MICHAEL CLEVELAND and also do you have the new Cadillac Sky CD yet because we should discuss it. Pronto.”

(I will hopefully have a post up at the music blog about the C-Sky CD soon. Tis amazing.)

After a bit of phone tag we finally connected for a few minutes tonight between sets and beer (he’s at Bean Blossom)(which is a way bigger deal and tons more fun than the website makes it seem)(I hear). And as we talked and caught each other up on the mundane details of life, music we should be listening to, music we’re doing… the normal stuff that goes on in conversation between us, he threw in without drawing so much as a breath, “So you know [my girlfriend] and I broke up.” And then continued on with something completely non-related as if A) I did know, and B) it was hardly a big deal.

A) I did not know.
B) Totally a big deal.

I was unrequitedly (a new word) “in love” with this boy for the better part of two years, which admittedly is not the most pathetic and drawn-out crush I have ever had the misfortune of sticking myself in, but there were indeed many reasons I felt he and I would be good together, and many of these were valid reasons, however there was never really any chemistry and I just liked to pretend that we could create some if only we tried. Maybe this was the most pathetic crush I’ve ever had. Whatever.

At any rate, I’ve been all moved on and stuff for a bit more than a year (and managed to date FOUR PEOPLE in that time?! MAN.) , and the thing that finally convinced me it was time to do so was this new girlfriend and his bright outlook on their relationship and how she was peeeeerfect and when I finally met her and realized there was no way I could hate someone with that DAMN ADORABLE SOUTHERN ACCENT I just knew it was time to admit the chemistry was never ever there. And it was fine. There was really nothing awkward about the transition we made from Unrequited Love to Completely Platonic Friendship and whether his girlfriend knew about my particular emotional history or not (he definitely did) she seemed totally cool with it too, more than cool, all Let’s Be Buddies, and also, Let’s Gang Up On Him MKay? So life went on, and we stayed as besty-best as we could with him moving across the country and having a lady-friend and such, and mostly I assumed they’d be together if not forever, then a very long time, and whatever. Nothing more to think about ever again except how many songs on my debut album he needed to play fiddle on. And also if there was new Bluegrass music he thought I should be listening to. And stuff.

And I honestly figured that if and when they ever broke up, it wouldn’t even phase me. Maybe I would be in a relationship by then or most likely not because I’m me and I have my luck with men. Either way, I honestly thought I was over it.

And when he said that to me tonight and I hung up the phone I realized I COULD NOT STOP SMILING.

And I feel bad. It’s not like I’ve been pining after him for the last year and a half-ish because I HAVEN’T, and also, I seriously loved that girl, she was so cute and genuinely a good person, and they were great together, at least from what I saw. Of course, I haven’t seen either of them since January, so what do I know?

But that’s not even the issue. The issue is WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?!

(PS- have you noticed the complete lack of mention of any other boy ever in this post? Yeah. That’s what I thought.)

Okay, the issue is not WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME, but maybe that I’m just slightly shocked to be hearing such news, such unexpected random news, and all just months before I head to the Great South myself, to SLEEP ON HIS COUCH AND STUFF, and I don’t know, if my past history with men has taught me ANYTHING, it’s that just because there wasn’t chemistry before doesn’t mean there won’t be now. People change. Situations change. Perceptions change.

And oh my God I’m so glad he didn’t find a house with three bedrooms, that third bedroom being MINE, because um, I don’t think I should be living in the same house as that boy if he is not specifically and explicitly belonging to someone else. Things could get ugly.

My life is so weird.
And I’m definitely thinking way too much.
Let’s hope I can get over that before January, hmm?

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4 Comments leave one →
  1. Nico permalink
    September 25, 2008 8:19 am

    I think that no matter how friendly you get with exes, there’s always some element of competition. Spiteful competition in some cases, but friendly competition in others.

    Just going off my own experience – I could be way off.

  2. rachel elizabeth permalink
    September 25, 2008 1:06 pm

    YOUR life is weird? i’ll trade. :o) just take a deep breath and try not to change anything just because you know he’s single now… see where things end up. :o)

    seriously though, you’re love life is almost as insane as mine. when you start flying across the country every other week too, then you might have something on me. haha.

    xoxox

  3. So@24 permalink
    September 25, 2008 5:11 pm

    I need to find me a southern girly.

    Think they go for asians?

  4. kathymac permalink
    September 25, 2008 7:32 pm

    “And I’m definitely thinking way too much.
    Let’s hope I can get over that before January, hmm?”

    When you figure that out, please teach me. I have certainly not recovered from that malady…

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