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Pondering

February 15, 2009

I need a change.

My life gets really difficult to live productively if something isn’t constantly happening. Something new, different– and often. But I’m not really very good about making that happen, which in turn can lead to an existence of days at a time that melt together and slip past me like some sort of dream I can’t wait up from.

And I know what you’re thinking- Courtney, you just moved across the country. What more change could you possibly need?

I don’t know. That’s the problem. I just don’t know.

I want to be out, social, spontaneous, but don’t quite have the means to be. I want to be working, I want to be playing, I want to be outside, reading, writing, drawing, listening, dancing, sharing, happening.

I want to be traveling more than anything else in the world right now. I don’t care where to as long as I’ve got my car and a good road mix blaring through the stereo. Maybe somebody in the passenger seat to share it with me, but maybe not. Road trips are the best times to turn up the stereo and sing loud and strong without worrying a lick about what you sound like. I’d visit a new city every other day. People to meet and things to see. Man, that would be a life, wouldn’t it?

Discouragement isn’t easy to overcome. There are some things I will be able to plug away at forever, no matter how many people tell me it’s not possible. Singing and songwriting are those things.

But everything else? It’s hard to find the motivation to keep trying, even when I can feel the urgency of a situation that is just not possible if I don’t keep trying. I don’t really have a choice. But right now, I feel like I’ve lost all control over my own actions, my own being, and I can’t snap out of it.

I need to snap out of it.

Maybe what I need is a good road trip.

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One Comment leave one →
  1. theoddduckling permalink
    February 16, 2009 1:34 pm

    I recently drove from North Carolina to Boston to see my adopted family. That was the longest stretch of driving I’ve ever done and is by far my favourite.

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