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The Gospel According to Twitter

June 9, 2009

Late night conversations that don’t start out late night are the best.  They’re the ones you make to simply tell a funny story, don’t figure they’ll last more than 20 minutes, and then two and a half hours later you’re staring at your clock going, “Oh dear Lord, I need to be in bed, but I’m laughing so hard sound isn’t even coming out of my mouth.”

Until you run out of oxygen and you screech for more and then both of you laugh even harder because is that really what this conversation has come to?


For example, my friend and I decided last night that if we could just make out with certain boys, it would fix everything.  Of course, I said this first, and by everything I meant everything in our own particular lives, but she took it a step further.

She said, “Yeah. We made out.  Economy? All better! World peace? We’ve got it! That mess in North Korea? Hey World! In case you hadn’t heard, WE MADE OUT.  NOW FREE THE JOURNALISTS.”

I swear there was no alcohol involved in this conversation.  Just sleep deprivation.

But that’s the stuff best friends are made of.  They’re there to worry and vent and then turn around and lift your spirits.  And then when you’ve both had a little too much of the serious, suddenly Jesus is twittering.

JesusChrist: At a wedding at Cana. @Nathanael – turned some water to wine for ya. great 0032 Merlot. Told ya.
Nathanael: @JesusChrist dude this stuff is delicious. Who knew you were such a wine conneisseur?

MaryMotherOfGod: @JoeTheCarpenter so, I just talked to @Gabriel. Apparently I’m pregnant.
JoeTheCarpenter: @MaryMotherOfGod MARYMOTHEROFGOD.

I mean, because if it’s on Twitter, I might as well be in the Bible, right?

Matthew, Mark, Luke and Twitter.

(courtney903: @John sorry for giving you the shaft, but there are only four Gospels.  We still love you.)


If you haven’t checked out my ten days project yet, do so! and throw a dollar or two my way if you like the tunes– help me make it to the meet-up in chicago at the end of the month! please and thanks!

5 Comments leave one →
  1. June 9, 2009 1:05 pm

    Slightly related: Have you heard of Bible Illuminated? Some guy (who was on the Colbert Report last weekend) turned the bible into a coffee table book (or actually, two…one per testament) full of glossy photos of celebrities…kinda like God’s fashion magazine.

    I find it fascinating.

  2. your bff permalink
    June 9, 2009 1:21 pm

    i. love. us.

    @Noah EFF. It’s STILL RAINING.
    @God good thing you built that boat, dude.

    @King Herrod BRING. ME. THE. BABY.

    @3wiseguys We are so lost! Hey Bethlehemians — following the star, not finding the kid. any ideas?

  3. your bff permalink
    June 9, 2009 1:22 pm

    oops. that @God should say “@God: @Noah good thing you built that boat, dude.”

  4. Chère permalink
    June 9, 2009 3:33 pm


  5. verybadcat permalink
    June 10, 2009 11:05 am

    I love Twitter.

    I love you.

    That’s all.

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