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The Beginning of the End, or just The Beginning

June 24, 2009

Suddenly I was home and I’d eaten and I had nothing left to distract me.

You mean there’s no good reason to BE HERE tomorrow and I’m still waiting until Thursday morning to leave?

AM I CRAZY?

The answer is yes. Yes, I am crazy.

But you knew that.

The last five months have changed me quite a bit in a million different ways.  I’m still me.  I’m probably more grown-up, though that’s hard to say.  I know I’m more outgoing, I’m more comfortable being myself than ever before, I feel like it’s okay to be a blogger, it’s okay to thrive on country music (the good kind), it’s okay to be musician.

For someone who has wanted to do all of this for her entire life, I sure never felt like it was okay.  Weird, I know.

But there has been other stuff going on.
This other stuff is a big reason (not the only, but really, big) the other stuff has happened– the me becoming a better me stuff.
I have only directly addressed this stuff here a small number of times and even then I’ve been very vague.

At times I was sure I was being so transparent you could have called me Miss Cellophane.
I’m probably being so transparent right now.

I can afford transparency now, though.  Tomorrow morning marks the end of this particular period of my life.

This period of my life that has been new and exciting and full of discovery and amazing music and friends and communities and songwriting and letters and smiles and happiness.

Tomorrow morning I’m going to get in my car and I’m going to drive to Chicago.
Are y’all ready for me?

I’m not sure I’m ready for you.

So many of you have become as much a part of my life as the people I see every day.  In some cases, more so.

Those of you whom I’ve already met have CHANGED MY LIFE.  In no small way, you have helped me become this woman sitting here writing to you.  I am me because of you.

YOU.

Yes, some of you more than others.
One in particular.

And that’s just the thing.
I’d met other bloggers in person before.
Two of them, actually.

But the real feeling of community, like this was something much bigger than I ever expected to find– it happened in Chicago five months ago.

And suddenly I had a new friend, a huge influence in my life (and he probably doesn’t even realize it), and not only that, but I was excited to go out and find more.  The first new friends I made in Tennessee were bloggers I met through 20sb.  I had sushi for the first time with a blogger.  I had the amazing photographs you see around this blog taken by a blogger.  I’ve kept in touch with many of them outside of our blogs since then- gchatting, facebooking, text messaging, trying to plan more get-togethers and failing miserably (but I am planning one end of July/early August FOR SURE, PS).

But it really started in Chicago.

I spent roughly 12 hours in that city and at least half of that time was spent sleeping or at least trying to sleep (because who can really sleep when they’ve just had the most amazing night?) but it changed me.

It sparked something.

And I’ve been watching and wondering and fighting and loving and giving and working and praying and sighing and smiling ever since.

But something must come to an end this weekend.
With that end will come a new beginning– it’s just that while I know what will end, I do not know what will begin.

I do know, however, that there will be nearly forty other new beginnings to be had. Forty new ways to find my life CHANGING.

This weekend is going to be complicated.
I think too much, certainly.
It’s terrifying, but any way I look at it, I can’t be disappointed.

—-

While I’m gone, I’ve lined up a few lovely guest bloggers for your reading pleasure.  I hope you’ll show them the love and support you show me!

I’m swearing off of computers while I’m there, which just seems counterintuitive since I’ll be at a BLOGGER MEETUP but a) I don’t have a laptop and b) it’ll just be good for me. I will be doing the Twitter thing but I have an awesome phone circa 2006 whose fanciest feature is the zoom x2 fuzzy blurry camera, so if you REALLY need to say something to me DMs will be the way to go.

Alright? alright.

See you next week!

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4 Comments leave one →
  1. June 24, 2009 2:55 pm

    So jealous! I wish I could have made it out there, but have a blast!

  2. June 24, 2009 5:22 pm

    Oooh!! Have so much fun!!

  3. June 25, 2009 9:43 pm

    Lucky you!

  4. June 28, 2009 10:00 am

    Aww, Court! What a sweet post! I didn’t realize the Nashville meetup was the first people you’d met so far, despite you being new in town.

    I could potentially be in your town next week. I want to hear about Chicago. Can we hang out and catch up?

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