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Incredible Distance

July 7, 2009

Distance sucks.

Two men from my past have been on my mind lately.  I met them both in college, one at the beginning and one at the end, fell madly in love with each of them, and our stories ended with drama that somehow turned to friendships and heartfelt discussions and real, genuine affection.

And one of them lives in Minneapolis and one of them lives in Dallas.

If I lived nearer to either of these boys, I know I’d still be interested.  I don’t know that they’d be interested in me, but geography is making sure that’s something I may never know– and at very least will not know soon.

It’s kind of like me, when I look in front of me and can’t see any immediate possibilities, to go digging into my past, maybe just for something to cling to, to tide me over.  And maybe these things are in the past because they were never meant to make it to the future, but especially in one of these cases, a very big part of the reason it ended when it did was because we were about to put insane distances between ourselves and couldn’t seem to find a way to change that or work around it.

And if that’s it? If that was the only problem?

Well, lord.
That just hurts to think about.

The world becomes smaller and smaller with each day that passes.  The number of ways and the ease with which we can communicate with people around the world is overwhelming, to say the least.

But none of it compares to being on the same end of the computer screen, curled up on a couch with an arm around you and videos playing on youtube that, let’s face it, you’re not really paying attention to.

No, because the part that matters is the part where your head is on his shoulder and every time you even think about sitting up he pulls that arm around your waist just a bit tighter to let you know that you need to stay right where you are; he wants you close.

I want things for myself and I don’t regret the fact that I’m here, working for them, but I have left behind some truly incredible people to get here and sometimes that really bothers me.

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7 Comments leave one →
  1. July 7, 2009 9:55 am

    Honestly if I were in your shoes, I would call them. If it doesn’t work out, great, you don’t have to worry about the distance because you won’t be worrying about them anymore either.

    If it does work out, maybe it would be worth the adjustment.

  2. July 7, 2009 9:30 pm

    I know how that goes. I have the same feelings for another person but they want to spend the rest of their lives in Australia…it’s tough thinking of ways to work around this. But that’s life I guess.

  3. July 7, 2009 9:43 pm

    I couldn’t honestly give any sort of advice that you more than likely haven’t already heard. Absence doesn’t make the heart grow fonder, it makes it a lonely place that hurts when you visit, and you say you wont come back…but you do. Only you are aware of the answer. Do you question your decision to live where you currently reside? I would love to tell you that I am sorry for the way in which you are feeling, but illuminated words on a computer screen can’t be of much comfort, or so I would assume.

    Nevertheless, I am sorry. And I hope that you come to a resolution soon.

  4. July 7, 2009 10:11 pm

    Amen.

    Although, in my case I resort back to them sometimes with more disdain than fondness, I know what you mean…got have something to tide me over.

    Way to say it like it is, sista

  5. cari permalink
    July 7, 2009 10:13 pm

    yes. sometimes it’s painful.

    but if you think about it, is the REALLY the only reason? because somehow i don’t think so.

  6. July 8, 2009 1:58 am

    Nostalgia sometimes gets us when we aren’t expecting it.

    Even when it’s painful you are doing an admirable thing.

  7. July 8, 2009 9:07 pm

    Nostalgia gets me every time even if it’s as true as rain.

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