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August 21, 2009

I called my mother this evening to answer an email she’d sent me.

Normally, I prefer to conduct my communication in writing rather than over the phone– but there are a few notable exceptions.  My best friends from high school are definitely girls I can talk to with ease, and my mom?  Well, I can’t deal with her excessive punctuation.

A fictional example of what an email from my mother might look like, based directly on an actual piece of text in my inbox with her name on it:

soooo, how was your day???? did it go well????? what was for supper????
mom :)

So, like I said, rather than suffering through multiple replies, I opted for a phone call.

But things were a little loco in the casa tonight, as things tend to be when my dad or my brother or my dad AND my brother are in goofy moods, and while my mom sugared up on lofthouse cookies and I babbled on about what cereal I should buy (at the grocery store. I’m that annoying girl on her cell phone contemplating the Rice Chex to a person across the country who couldn’t care less.  I apologize on behalf of all of us.  It’s a sickness), there was madness happening in the background and I really had no earthly clue what was going on.  My mom kind of got distracted and stopped paying attention to me.

But then, in an effort to somehow save our own little conversation, she brought this little morsel of information to the cellular waves:

“Brandon Fraser has leukemia.”

I stopped.


“Brandon Fraser. He has leukemia.”

“Do you mean Brendan Fraser, mom?”

“Oh. Yeah. Him.”

It’s not unusual for my mom to throw some random piece of celebrity news about a celebrity I generally don’t care about my way.  I mean, I liked Blast From the Past, but let’s be real here, right?  Brendan Fraser.  He’s no Johnny Depp.

But it did seem a little strange, and worthy of a moment’s thought.  I mean, wow, right?  He played a character that died from leukemia.  It’s some sort of divine, sick joke.  I mean, really, what are the odds?

And I said all of this to her.

And then I heard it in the background.  My dad and my brother were singing along– “I’m no superman.”


So Brendan Fraser doesn’t have leukemia.
Ben from Scrubs has leukemia.

And that’s not ironic, it’s just misleading.

And seriously. MOM.


Maybe we should stick to email.

6 Comments leave one →
  1. August 22, 2009 6:59 am

    This is just too funny!

  2. August 22, 2009 7:17 am

    If you’d tweeted it you’d be some new gossip guru. I say it’s not too late–rocket yourself to ill-begotten stardom.

    I’m the guy standing down the aisle who contemplates buying one variety of bread or cheese or what have you for five minutes, before moving down the aisle to try and find something cheaper. Then moving back.

  3. August 22, 2009 9:24 am

    Haha, that’s funny :)

    My mom’s exactly the opposite when it comes to texting. She likes to send one-word answers, which also gets annoying.

    Scrubs? I love Scrubs!!

  4. cari permalink
    August 22, 2009 10:50 am

    haha. i totally understand.

    my mom likes to type with lots of ellipses…….like every response where she thinks…… turns out like this…….because she keeps a rolling tab on things coming out of her brain………….as though they aren’t actually complete thoughts deserving of their own sentence……….yeah.

    yay for moms.

  5. August 22, 2009 4:00 pm

    The day my mom called Morgan Freeman “Gordon Freeberg” was the day I knew I was doomed! I have no chance of keeping tabs of celeb gossip through my mom!!!

  6. August 23, 2009 12:21 pm

    My dad is TOTALLY an overpunctuator. Hardcore.

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