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Official Certified Northerner

December 5, 2009

I was up fairly early this morning, excited to get to Nashville by 10 to meet up with one of my favorite bloggers, Matt Cheuvront.

I went about my morning, munching on peanut butter toast as I ran a straightener through my hair and contemplated weather appropriate clothing.  I didn’t bother looking outside to check the thermometer, or even see if the sun was shining.  Tennessee hasn’t proven to be terribly surprising or harsh.  I didn’t think much of it.

But as I finally headed toward the door with my keys in my hand, I took my first glance at the outside world.  What did I see?

SNOW.

So I pranced out into the fluffy whiteness and took a few pictures with my cell phone and giggled in glee to myself as the neighbor kids burst out their back door covered head to toe in winter wear.

40 degrees outside, the stuff’s already melting, and they look like little white Eskimos.

I brushed the snow off my car and headed merrily into town, splashing through little freshly melted puddles, thrilled at the luck of such a pretty surprise on an already fairly delightful day.

And then I got to my exit.  And there was a cop sitting in front of it.  And turns out, I wasn’t exactly allowed to leave town.

No one was.

Because it snowed.

TENNESSEE.  YOU ARE KILLING ME.

I couldn’t tell why on earth the interstate might be off limits.  There was no wreck as far as I could see, and the roads were not only NOT covered in snow, the snow had long since melted and dried.  The roads weren’t wet.  Not even a tiny glistening of moisture left to catch the sun.  And they weren’t letting me on the interstate.

I flipped through every radio station I could pick up. FM. AM.  I tried to decipher Spanish for about 20 seconds.  I heard NOTHING of official road closures, or even a mention of inclement precipitation at all.

So I decided this guy was wrong.  He was just WRONG.  It took all of my strength and will power not to pull up to him and say, “Hey, listen.  I’ve been driving in stuff 80 times worse than this since I was 14.  Can I get some sort of special clearance or something?  I mean, you don’t understand.  BLOGGER MEETING.”

Of course, I didn’t, because dude’s only doing his job and following the orders of some other clueless Rule Maker and there’s an exit south of my house that barely anyone uses that I’m just HOPING they’ll have forgotten about.

25 minutes later I’m driving down an empty interstate, dry as dust, contemplating the invention of Official Certified Northerner cards, to be used in these ridiculous situations as proof that my driving ability will in no way be affected by the mere knowledge that snow fell in this place in the last 12 hours.  Even though it no longer exists.

Thank you and good night.

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9 Comments leave one →
  1. Kendall permalink
    December 5, 2009 4:28 pm

    I remember as a kid (living in Eastern NC) that people would treat a predicted inch of snow like it was the Apocalypse and OH MY GOD, WE HAVEN’T GONE TO WAL-MART YET! and WHY AREN’T YOU PANICKING?!?!?! All in all it was pretty ridiculous.

    Case in point, there hasn’t been more than 2 inches in my part of the state since I was a baby. Ice, yes. Snow, no.

    Sigh.

  2. Autumn Dehner permalink
    December 5, 2009 4:30 pm

    LOL, That is hilarious!! I know, here in Colorado they think they’re real vets with the snow. They have no idea…

  3. December 5, 2009 5:46 pm

    Welcome to the south.

    Although… it’s actually VERY rare for the interstate to be closed here, even when there’s more snow and ice than the laughable amount from today (we didn’t have ANY at my house ). We love to close schools and all sorts of other establishments over tiny bits of snow, but the roads usually stay open. I’m still trying to figure out why it was closed (I imagine it’ll be on the news), but if I had to guess it’s that there was some sort of bad accident or something crazy that damaged the road.

    But still… we do get crazy about snow. My favorite is when they start calling for blizzards and everyone buys out all of the grocery stores to prepare. And then it doesn’t snow at all. We only get it for real when no one knows it’s coming. :)

  4. December 5, 2009 7:59 pm

    It’s totally ridiculous how people get here at the first sign of the white stuff – but you’ll grow to love the ridiculous news coverage, people running to the store for the essentials in preparation for the 1/2 inch dusting expected. You can’t help but sit back and laugh.

    At the end of the day – we still were able to unite, and it was epic. No amount of now will keep us apart! :)

  5. December 6, 2009 12:23 am

    That’s HYSTERICAL! Wow. I’m from MN and currently in WI and pretty sure I would have laughed my head off at those people! Absolutely nuts!

  6. December 6, 2009 12:37 pm

    Wow! That is absolutely RIDICULOUS that the interstate was closed. It snowed here the same night, and the roads were empty, but not closed. … I’m sure our winter makes you laugh, but I might need some help picking out clothing to keep me warm when I get to Nashville. Care to help me, Official Certified Northerner?

  7. December 6, 2009 4:56 pm

    That’s ridiculous, I think the certified northerner would be fabulous, I’m all in for that! I’m from Houston and they actually had snow just the other day, and it actually sticked for a couple hours (completely rare moment) and guess what they did? Closed all the schools and some people got the day of work too. I don’t even want to know about the interstate. And here, where I attended college, they won’t close even if there’s a blizzard happening.

  8. December 7, 2009 5:01 pm

    That is hilarious!! I grew up in South GA and last year I lived in Chicago. The first time it snowed I was terrified to drive. But I eventually got the hang of it. It is not as difficult as us southerners seem to think!

  9. December 10, 2009 12:07 pm

    oh man. that’s a bit… ummm… ridiculous. just fyi. my sister used to tell me stuff like that. and yeah, don’t be jealous, but it’s below zero up here. oh yeah, you miss us now, don’t you? i’m not REALLY looking forward to going outside, but whatev. i’ll deal. you know why?

    garage.

    yep. :) grandpa rules!!

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